**content warning** | mental illness | sensitive topics included
I've seen a lot and felt a lot the past few years.
I've cried, prayed, questioned, feared, and grieved in ways I never have before.
But, God has been evident - in front of me; beside me; and behind me.
He has surrounded my family. He's had his hand on my husband.
He has whispered hope, and reminded me of who He is.
I am helpless. I cannot bring any real healing or help, but God can. He told me He would.
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Mental health has become a hot topic. It's a common area of struggle, and we all face those battles at some level. We are becoming more aware of the nature of mental illness, in the fact that it hits and hurts like any other medical problem. Depression and anxiety are labels we use for a range of emotions and experiences, but there is a stark reality to the medical end of these words. The system that keeps our bodies working is way beyond our complete understanding. It's intricate and managed by a coordination of chemicals that we have not even fully identified. And - like all other parts of the body - these functions can have issues. But, since it's beyond our scope, it's hard to treat. But doctors try.
Struggles, specifically with chemical depression and anxiety, involve a journey. The first hurdle is naming it and asking for help - or - sometimes seeking help and then finding the name. Sometimes the physical symptoms are so strong, it takes a while to get down to the actual cause. It's a confusing path, even with help, because -again- we just don't know enough to get straight to the right solution. "Help" becomes an experiment. An experiment involving your mind. An experiment of chemical boosting and reducing. It's months, even years, of fluctuation - sometimes more in the wrong direction than the right. Some people make it to the other end with stabilizing help - nothing short of a miracle, if you've ever seen it. Others continue on a strange roller coaster. And, some people end up stuck in dark places or even stop trying.
The help is harder to find than you might think, and the journey is long. This is all compounded by another problem: loneliness.
Mental illness is lonely.
We have made it a silent, isolating sickness. Many things make it hard to share, hard to voice, hard to name. It doesn't readily go on prayer chains and announcements, like other diagnoses. There are many reasons for this; one being the range of misconceptions. Depression and anxiety, for example, are universal feelings. We can all relate at some level, so we all have a perception of what those words mean. As emotions, we find ways to cope and manage those feelings in order to move through daily life. But, the definitions of those words change when there is an actual chemical/medical issue. There is a difference, and even then, there are levels of severity/differing symptoms. Yet, the commonality and breadth of those terms lead many to misunderstand the lack of control a person can have over their mind and response. Many don't understand why someone can't seemingly "push through it" like others do. This causes people who struggle to withdraw further and struggle more silently. It's a sad cycle. Some have tried to break the silence in recent years and bring more awareness. When you do talk, you actually find a large number of people who are also facing this alone. The isolation is so sad. People are afraid to speak, because the response is often harmful and accusing.
Then, there are the moments. The moments that rattle us.
The moment someone gives in to his particular struggle.
The moment when suicide takes a person's life.
All of a sudden, people on the outside see.
People hurt and grieve. And they vow.
The crowd speaks up and vows to do better. Vows to see and help. They promise that anyone can open up and voice their struggles. They promise that no one is alone. They say they will do better.
But the reality - - It's not better.
I have seen the inside and the outside. I have walked this road as the helper. I have journeyed with my love - my best friend, and the hurts run deep. I have watched the struggle, the pain, the confusion, the physical symptoms, the immobilization, the frustration, the despair, the roller coaster.
I see and know how hard it is to share the inside.
And I also know how hard it is for others to understand from the outside.
It. is. hard. to. understand.
But I want to say that we can do better. We can let people speak and we can believe them when they do. We can walk patiently beside them as they struggle for help. We can pray.
We can do more than expect people to "toughen up" or just "change their perspective" or just "increase their faith in God". Mental illness is a real illness that needs medical help. We have to realize it's a long journey that looks different for each person.
Everything is blurry from a distance, but if you care - you move closer
- close enough to see
- close enough to love
We can do better. All of us.
We all need people who will see and love.
We all have an inside that needs grace.
I can say that we are personally so thankful for the many who have shown love.
At the same time, I also understand the outside is confusing. Some don't understand, and I get that, too. That's why I choose to write. We have misconceptions. We have barriers that create isolation. People who are struggling usually have a decreased capacity to communicate, and that also makes it harder.
It's complex, but it's a real need.
May we all pray for fresh eyes of compassion - and go close enough to see.
May we all extend grace to each other, because some of the hardest struggles are hidden.
Jesus showed us how to live that way.
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Mental illness is a thief.
So much has been stolen. relationships. time. stability. peace. reputation.
But, God is faithful. He is trustworthy. He redeems all things.
I know God will use this trial as testimony moving forward.
Thankfully, some help has finally come. The trauma of ups and downs makes me hesitant, but I can't deny the new life and mercies I see after a very long, dark season. I am thankful to the Lord for His great mercy, healing, and provision. Our journey, our outcome, our family, our lives would be completely different today if Jesus had not carried us - and still is.
Please reach out if you need help or have questions.
I will help. Someone will help.
More people understand than you think.
Let someone get close enough to see.
God sees.
May we also strive to see.
(Genesis 16:13)
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